Communication

Through the camera lens, our eyes clock congruence, that is harmony or compatibility (in this context) of words, tone, facial expression, and any other non-verbal cues.

Recall the times you met a stranger in a certain place, and thought “something’s not quite right”? Or chancing upon a friend and sensing something’s off? This is because we pick up inconsistent cues from that person’s verbal and non-verbal presentation including body language.

The same when we are in a video-conference. In fact, we are working harder to pick up cues because we know we have less to work with. And incongruence distracts.

So what helps us to appear professional in a video-conference?

Appearance

What we wear and our personal grooming and style contribute to the professional appearance. What is appropriate will depend on the purpose of the video-conference, who the participants are, perhaps the industry/professional expectation, and the environment in which the video-conference is being held.  This is synonymous to wearing appropriate attire to an in-person meeting. Most importantly, be authentic.  There are different types of casual professional attire, select that which portrays who you are.

Environment 

Our appearance ought to be consistent with the environment, that is our surroundings when we are in a video-conference. Is it congruent to be wearing a dark suit if our background is a view of the bedroom (no matter how stylish it may be), or a Zoom background of a beach at sunset? It is likely we will sense a degree of awkwardness. If you wish to convey a relaxed atmosphere then lose the dark suit.

We bring our environment into a video-conference through the sights and sounds being transmitted from where we are physically located. Mute the microphone where required and minimise potential visual distraction to other participants in the video-conference. This is also a sign of respect.

Tech and equipment

A good webcam is necessary to capture clear visual and audio, which eases communication. This is a necessary investment (not a luxury) in the current professional space. Couple it with a good pair of headset or microphone and speakers. No matter how good we look, if we can’t be heard then the whole scene is sub-standard and interferes with the perception of professionalism. Imagine a documentary with beautifully shot visuals but you have difficulty hearing the narrator?

Placement of the camera is also important. A view up one’s nostrils is never pleasant, nor is a view of the top of one’s head. The camera should be placed directly at eye level or slightly above the eye-line. The illusion of us looking into the camera and thus meeting another’s eyes is inviting. Its absence can create a sense of disconnection and isolation.

Lighting is important. We are attuned to consider a face hidden in shadow as suspicious. No matter if we are thinking it or not, we will react less favorably to a partially hidden face, or when we are unable to see someone’s eyes or facial expression. This is particularly true in a culture which considers making eye contact as a sign of sincerity, honesty and good manners. Using a ring light to  illuminate our face solves this issue.  Ring light is usually placed behind the camera and directly facing our face. This allows flexibility of where we position ourselves for a video-conference, and removes the need to be facing a window for proper light or be concerned about back-lighting.

Preparation

Spend time considering what you need before each video-conference. Be prepared.

Do not turn on your video or unmute before you are ready. Shuffling paper, appearing distracted as you attempt to close down an application, fidgeting as you make yourself comfortable – all can appear less than professional.

Perhaps this means leaving yourself with ample time in between calls to gather yourself before you start the next video-conference.

Attitude

Professionalism is fundamentally about behaviour and  attitude. Our behaviour ought to be congruent with our attitude.

Any discomfort or resentment (a video-conference may not be everyone’s meeting mode of choice) will channel through as a result of inconsistency in verbal and visual expressions, say between your stiff smile, or the wariness in your eyes, or your agitated gestures, or your constant shrugs or nervous laugh.

A good way to familiarise yourself to being in front of a camera is to be in front of one. Practice, for example starting your webcam and leaving it on while you work, or take a recording of yourself. As with actors, you will soon “forget” about the camera, or be less self-conscious. You may even learn to use the camera to your advantage.

A moderate and calm demeanour assists with a professional presentation.  Exaggerated gestures or volume are magnified in a video-conference. Fidgeting and sudden movements will interrupt and distract. To find “just right” will depend on the context and how practised you are before a webcam.

When the camera is focused primarily on your face – any smirk, flinch, grimace, or eyes-rolling, are captured and transmitted. Being respectful is an important condition to being a professional. A respectful attitude is keenly felt even through the camera lens.

I hope this gives you food for thought and inspiration to act.

~ FlorenceT

© Transfigure Therapy 2021

Building relationship is a “thing” now, a mantra within the networking, management and leadership circles. And rightly so. Seeking to build relationships honors our humanity, we are more than conduits engaging in mere exchange of insights and information, time and money and the cost-benefit analysis of these currencies.

We cannot build relationships unless we learn how to connect.

And the essence of real connection which we find so appealing, supportive, enriching and rewarding is intimacy. Intimacy is the glue that binds people. Without it, any connection is barren, void of the positive meaning.

But what is intimacy? It is a close, familiar and affectionate personal relationship with another and it arrives in different ways. We may have cognitive or intellectual intimacy with another with the sharing of ideas, visions, viewpoints, dreams and hopes. We may have experiential intimacy as we do work, however defined, together. We may also have emotional intimacy where feelings are shared between two or more people and our emotional needs are met or affirmed. And we have sexual intimacy which involves the sharing of sensual expression. This would include for example, the person whom we share our epicurean or creative interests.

There are many ways through which we develop intimacy in our professional life and connect.

And which comes first? Do we connect to enable intimacy to grow? Or is intimacy a prerequisite to connection? Instead of a linear cause-and-effect correlation, the relationship between intimacy and connection is reflexive.

Intimacy and connection are deliberate and conscious processes.

We must be willing to explore, to be interested in another’s life, to be present and available to them. Most importantly, we must be real. And we have to give it time to develop.

Hold new interactions lightly, watch it and see where it will grow. Let go of preconceived notions of how, what and why. Not every interaction becomes positive connection.

So how do we connect?

Be open and sociable. This does not mean be naive and gullible. It does however mean you do not approach every person you meet as a threat. Keep your head, open your heart.

Be authentic. Show who you really are. Stop being so guarded. It may feel vulnerable but my experience has been that most people are happy to receive the real you. Few people are out to harm.

Maintain your values. People with whom you connect will be those who share a certain ‘thing’ with you; this ‘thing’ which calls to you are underpinned by your values. Be yourself. Be honest.

In this endeavour of building relationships especially as a leader, let us be gentle, kind and respectful.

Which of us would refuse a genuine connection? On this premise, building relationship need not feel like an unsurpassable challenge.

~ FlorenceT

© Transfigure Therapy 2018

Conversation… what’s it about?

I encounter many ‘conversations’, and in many different contexts.

There are the conversations I promised another but only when time permits, or the conversations I have to have with another which distilled much and created space for more imaginings. There are conversations which signaled change and endings and beginnings. These conversations are imbued with so much meaning, even as we schedule them as a matter of course as part of our daily life at work or in our personal life.

I hope these conversations have been true.

No matter the context, true conversations have a common thread. True conversations are arrived at with a willingness to listen, an openness to receive and embrace, and a genuine response and where required a loving rebuke.

True conversations happen with humility and love, supportive and encouraging growth.

We hold conversations through engaging with each other authentically. Maybe that’s why we don’t just have conversations but we hold conversations – the conversation as a space, a safe space held which allows each conversation-holder to be vulnerable and to express who we are to each other. Otherwise the interaction becomes inter-reaction.

Idealistic? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it ought not detract us from trying our utmost to being such a holder of conversation. After all, we have heard of the benefits of authentic listening. And “asking the beautiful question” that says “I have heard”, a beautiful question which touches another deeply, a beautiful question which invites a genuine answer.

How beautiful and uplifting our relationships can be when we hold true conversations.

A conversation is not the same as a friendly chat, a quick ‘how-are-you’ nor lengthy IMs. Nothing ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about these – each serves a purpose at different moments.

It may not be possible to have true conversations all the time. It requires mindful intention and preparedness. True conversations are always filled with meaning, meaning-full.

When did you last have a true conversation? And with whom?

Live meaningfully, I say.

~ FlorenceT

© Transfigure Therapy 2018

“The features of digitized legal providers are becoming well- defined– they are customer centric, tech and process enabled, agile, diverse, accessible to clients in real-time, intelligent, globally branded, scalable, multi-disciplinary, and enterprise focused.”

What does the impact of technology on legal services mean for the humans in that space?

Customer-entric, agile, diverse, accessible, intelligent and enterprise-focused apply to lawyers (and other professionals). What skills are required to respond to a changing workplace?

They include the ability to grow and manage relationships, an ability to process and consolidate large amount of information, and the psychological agility to remain calm and focused in times of transition and change.

For article in Forbes magazine, see here.

(M)en decide far more problems by hate, or love, or lust, or rage, or sorrow, or joy, or hope, or fear, or illusion, or some other inward emotion, than by reality or authority or any legal standard, or judicial precedent, or statute.

If you are curious whose quote that is, it’s Cicero – the Roman philosopher, politician, lawyer, orator, political theorist, consul, and constitutionalist. As it turns out, human nature hasn’t changed much in two thousand years.

We’re Emotional Beings

We’re still profoundly emotional beings. EI (emotional intelligence) has come a long way since Yale research (1990) and popular books by Goleman (1995). Like the study of “mindfulness”, EI has more mainstream recognition and a greater amount of professional “success” attributed to it than IQ and technical skills.

Mindfulness Training is Gaining Professional Recognition

Gone are the days where law firms and the corporate world recruits by academic achievements and IQ alone. So what in brief, is emotional intelligence good for in the professional workplace, business and law?

• Better judgement
• Higher productivity
• More team cohesion and client relationships
• Higher sales and conversion percentages
• Great work satisfaction in teams, leading to higher retention rates.
• Improved customer or client service (due to improved listening and empathy skills)
• Better organizational communication
• More effective leadership (leading to a competitive edge).

Specifically for law firms and the daily lives of lawyers, EI can have a significant impact. Historically, the legal profession has been heavily influenced by the Stoic/Puritan frame of reference and an emphasis on ‘reason’, this is changing towards a more holistic model of human behavior.

The “Nimble Heart” in the Workplace

How might emotional intelligence help those in the Legal Profession?

1. The ability to correctly identify client values and motivations
2. The ability to suppress emotions that might cloud objectivity
3. Psycho-social identification & sensitivity, namely: active listening, empathy and compassion
4. Reading body language, non-verbal cues and facial micro emotions
5. Correctly matching persuasion strategies with the target audience
6. Manage stress and self-regulate effectively in high-pressured environments and long work-weeks
7. Conflict resolution, halting escalations and defusing negative emotions
8. Establishing rapport, trust and warmth
9. Facilitating easy exchanges of information
10. Adapting not just to frames of reference, but to people more effectively
11. Influencing the emotions of others through effective communication, feedback and motivational impact.

Clearly EI embodies a broad spectrum of rather holistic “soft skills” that are essential to all professional industry for leaders, managers, consultants and employees.

Can Emotional Intelligence be Taught?

In the “real world” of corporate hierarchies and law firm politics, given that candidates have comparable IQ, experience and technical skills, EQ then becomes the unique qualifying differentiator (UQD).

There’s a significant moment now for MBA programs among others, to actively integrate EI and soft skills training in their curriculum, sometimes called applied human science.

• Graduate leadership programs continue to integrate EI training into their programs
• Corporate training programs now specialize in EI training
• Emotional intelligence has been correlated with leadership qualities

Professional efficacy is no longer solely correlated with IQ, so what then can it be attributed to?

A Most Vital Trait in a Top CEO

For CEOs and top executives, EI has a lot to offer in terms of global corporate identity.

EI underpins the ability to inspire discretionary effort—the extent to which employees and team members go above and beyond the call of duty.

This is an “intangible” of the charismatic CEO, who champions the corporate entity internally, much as some CEOs harness their personal brand for effective PR external to the organization and corporate brand.

To earn the respect and fidelity, and to motivate and mobilize talent, are what true visionaries do.

Many HR recruiters and analytics talk about a “skills gap”, EI could well be this “gap”. What we might be seeing as well is a “leadership shortage”.

Never in human history has Emotional Intelligence been at such a higher premium. Never has leadership been such a corporate differentiator in its ability to drive ROI.

[An earlier version of this article was published on LinkedIn.]

© Transfigure Therapy 2017