Walking the labyrinth – reflecting on reflection

Reflecting on an experience of walking the humble labyrinth during a silent meditation retreat, I notice its metaphor to our life.

I entered the labyrinth with the spirit of contemplation and an openness to receive what comes. It wasn’t long before my mind got the better of me. As the path led me to the outer edge instead of the centre, I told myself it did not make rational sense. Then I tried to work  out the ‘how’ and ‘why’ in my mind. And before I could find an answer, a little voice said, “the path must not be correct”. Then I heard a nervous laugh from within, which said, “I know nothing of the construction of the labyrinth yet I doubt its very presence”. This awareness of the moment brought me to lay these thoughts down, and to trust the path.

 In trusting the path, I was choosing to trust the original builders of the labyrinth and those who added to it, to the walkers who had not raised issues about the labyrinth for there was none. I chose to trust in the stillness of that moment, to my senses. So I looked up to admire the changing scenery as I took each step along the path to the centre. 

A stone bench sat at the centre of the labyrinth. The arrival anticlimactic; it did not live up to expectations which I didn’t know I had until then. Yet there I learned, it was not about this destination but the journey there that mattered.  And that perhaps without expectations I would have appreciated the moment of arrival.

I retraced my steps to leave the labyrinth. Once again, a thought came to mind that the walk would be boring even as I took the first step back. I had been on this path just moments before, after all. Then I looked up and around me as I walked. The scenery was unfamiliar, different. The experience – even of the humming of the wind, the rhythm of the rustling of trees, the enchanting bird calls – was  different. My idea of what should be and would be abated. Every moment is a new moment, to be experienced afresh. 

On reflection, I am grateful for the awareness and insights. I realise this experience of mine is not dissimilar for many of us in our personal and professional life.

We are compelled by the impetus of time and efficiency to get to the centre, evaluating our experience and measuring our success based on expectations which are historical in nature. 

But this year I hope our reflection will be different. As we walk back through this past year, let’s appreciate a different scenery. 

Choose different measures of ‘success’. Beyond efficiency and productivity, beyond monetary rewards and career perks, consider how well you have spent time in relationship, how well you have cared for yourself, how deeply or broadly you have considered, how you have opened to the new or different. 

Measure ‘success’ by the quality of your personal and professional relationships, how cohesively your life integrates your most valuable, your contribution to the ‘success’ of another, the positive impacts you have brought to your environment, your demonstration of responsibility and accountability, your expression of kindness and generosity, and the list goes on.

We may have short- or long-term plans in our life, but what we do with these plans as we walk on the path makes all the difference. It would not be wise to doggedly stick to them. 

Look up to the beauty and possibility of each moment and what it presents, and be willing to change and move from ideas and plans formed from moments in history.  

 

 

© 2023 Transfigure Therapy

People-watching, a perspective on living life

People-watching is often a solitary activity or non-activity. It requires a discreet approach, and usually focused on the subjects in question.

I used to watch and wonder – who are they? To each other? What are they communicating to the other? I watched the non-verbal cues. Oh, and what’s that movement for? There were many whys as well – why some are dressed as they are, why they are sitting next instead of across each other, why they are walking by themselves in a city park. A wondering and curious mind looking in. I of course created stories about the characters, and here I spent many contented hours.

For many, people-watching is merely to kill time, perhaps feeling increasingly alone or isolated as we watched.

Over time my intellectual curiosity has been overtaken by an appreciation. Appreciation for being here, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of humanity, aware of my place in the crowd. Taking pleasure seeing friends enjoying each other’s company, smiles alighting their faces, warmth emanating. I feel for that person sitting in the corner with a forlorn look, a certain gladness for the one who seems pleasantly absorbed in their book, or that child delighting in a treat offered, eyes beaming with irrepressible excitement.

Putting down our intellectualizing, our rationalizing, our needing to know… in order to be among and with people in those moments.

I see beauty and within this mindful approach, a cultivated solitude and peace.

When we stop the looking at or peering in, and instead appreciate we are a part of this crowd and our environment, no matter how unfamiliar or uncomfortable at times it may seem, we experience a felt sense of belonging.

Belonging comes not from a position of observer and subject, of emotional and/or social separation. Rather it is being aware and acknowledging we are here now, a part of this bigger picture.

And perhaps we ought to ask, extending Edward Lorenz’ discovery termed “the butterfly effect” that our very presence takes up space and our seemingly innocuous activity or non-activity impacts on our environment,

how does my presence here impact on others and this environment?

If we are judging, if we are evaluating, if we are appreciating, if we are delighting… what changes? And how does this awareness that the essence of our very presence is impactful serve you?

And if you are still wondering what the effects are, as “the butterfly effect” suggests nature is complex and we cannot predict what would happen though every act matters to influence the outcome, then

being okay with complexity, unpredictability and not-knowing is perhaps a key skill for this modern age.

I still create stories, and I hope now the characters in them have greater depth.

Busy is not a four-letter word

“Busy” is not a four-letter word. Busyness is not a badge of honour.

People have looked at me with “sad” eyes when I said I was busy, extending their sympathy to something perceived as negative and perhaps concluding  that I must not like it. Similarly on many occasions when I enquired about someone’s professional (or personal) life only to receive this reply – “oh, so busy”. These same people who seemed to be perpetually busy, as if proudly saying to the world, “look at me, I have much to do!” when what I could see was weariness and irritability.  

Have you encountered someone who is happily busy?

Many articles in recent times are denouncing the glorification of busyness, how being busy can negatively affect our mental health, that busyness  is unnecessary and that we ought to embrace the slow movement.

All true, but none is absolute.

The practical reality is, there are times when we are busy – necessary times when we work more hours that we’d like. There are times when accomplishing what we set out to do notwithstanding the long hours is fulfilling and a boost to our sense of self. Sometimes our perception is skewed in those moments when we are under intense time pressure and professional demands. Yes, busyness seems like an undesirable thing.

Yet if we pay attention and as we slowly zoom out for a wider view, away from our keen focus on the “harried life”, we may notice that we did work long hours or cram our day with many deadlines but only for a short period.

What we pay attention to, is amplified.

Through our perception and our narrative interpretation, we in fact create a world which becomes our reality. 

What does “busy” even mean? Busy is essentially keeping ourselves occupied or having a great deal to do. It does not speak of the quality of the occupations.

“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?” ~ Henry David Thoreau

The meaning and purpose of these occupations to us are what differentiate the felt sense of “being busy”. It can feel great or it may seem too much of a burden. 

What does “busy” mean to you, now? On this occasion? 

Instead of unknowingly defaulting to saying “busy” with a sigh or hearing “busy” with a flinch, perhaps we ought to find out the nature of this busyness and to have a conversation about being busy, with mindful awareness, within context and without the bounds of common narratives.

Are you the always-busy kind of person, or just busy at this moment? How do you tell?

Or are you determined to take it slow? Because the opposite is also true. Going slow is not a badge of honour, and slow is not a bad word either.

As we head to the end of the year, to the much longed-for break in the festive season, consider this.

Why are you choosing to be busy or to take it slow? 

Preparing for self-awareness

Can you conceive of the “why” to what you  say or do? Beyond the reasons and rationalising.

To thine own self be true”, Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet. So how can we “be true” unless we know our self?

What do we mean when we speak of self- awareness and “being conscious” of our words and actions??

To be self-aware requires attention and effort. It is easier and quicker to evaluate others’ words and actions, or judge their motives and intentions than it is to decipher ours.

Perhaps unthinkingly or unconsciously we direct our attention outwards more often than we do inwards because it is challenging to look at ourselves, especially our Shadow (to use Carl Jung’s term) – this unconscious aspect of our personality which our conscious ego has trouble acknowledging or seeing.

Self-awareness will allow us to know our humanity and our place in it. We then are able to understand and know others .

So how do we learn to be self-aware? We have to be prepared

  • to be present to, and aware of our thoughts and feelings. A contemplative practice is useful, and over time, it will become easier. I have no answer as to the measure of time this may be for you nor even for myself.  It is not about arriving somewhere. I am not certain if there is even a destination we need concern ourselves with.  It is the contemplative practice itself which brings to light the judgement, blame and shame we hold and from which we act.
  • to hold our flaws gently in the palms of my hands, sometimes in playful lightness, sometimes in repose, always mindful to not judge.  In this I do not always succeed. That is okay too. The very act of being aware of my Shadow is by itself, empowering and humbling – to walk this life with consciousness.  The crux is to know when we are judging; if we can name it, we are more likely to be able to let the act or thought go.  

The essence of any contemplative practice is twofold – silence and stillness. As opposed to being ‘silenced’ by a fear, in protest or by resignation, silence in meditation is empowering because we come to sit in that space in which we are aware of ourselves, of our world and our relationship with the world; and we then have the choice to accept ourselves for who we are – to be true.

“The point [of meditation] is not to improve yourself …but to come back to who you are, the awareness that is your birthright” ~ Jack Kornfield

To do this,

  • we need to be prepared to turn to which is difficult in order to learn something of value,
  • be willing to seat ourselves in the middle of everything, joys and sorrows,
  • to trust this space of awareness with a loving and compassionate heart, and
  • to acknowledge this is our humanity.

Be still instead of perpetually chasing or running away. This is what it means to be present – to not look to our history and judge and attempt to fix it, to not look to our future and judge it against ideals we have inherited from our past or history.

Presence and awareness becomes the springboard from which we take our next steps – understanding and evaluating, inwards and outwards.

As Zen master, Suzuki Roshi, said,

I do not know anything about higher consciousness, I just try to teach my students how to hear the birds sing.”  

How beautiful, how simple!  Be here.

When we do not look to judge, blame or shame, perhaps then the task of becoming self-aware becomes less confronting.

~ FlorenceT

What it means to have a true conversation

Conversation… what’s it about?

I encounter many ‘conversations’, and in many different contexts.

There are the conversations I promised another but only when time permits, or the conversations I have to have with another which distilled much and created space for more imaginings. There are conversations which signaled change and endings and beginnings. These conversations are imbued with so much meaning, even as we schedule them as a matter of course as part of our daily life at work or in our personal life.

I hope these conversations have been true.

No matter the context, true conversations have a common thread. True conversations are arrived at with a willingness to listen, an openness to receive and embrace, and a genuine response and where required a loving rebuke.

True conversations happen with humility and love, supportive and encouraging growth.

We hold conversations through engaging with each other authentically. Maybe that’s why we don’t just have conversations but we hold conversations – the conversation as a space, a safe space held which allows each conversation-holder to be vulnerable and to express who we are to each other. Otherwise the interaction becomes inter-reaction.

Idealistic? Perhaps. Nevertheless, it ought not detract us from trying our utmost to being such a holder of conversation. After all, we have heard of the benefits of authentic listening. And “asking the beautiful question” that says “I have heard”, a beautiful question which touches another deeply, a beautiful question which invites a genuine answer.

How beautiful and uplifting our relationships can be when we hold true conversations.

A conversation is not the same as a friendly chat, a quick ‘how-are-you’ nor lengthy IMs. Nothing ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about these – each serves a purpose at different moments.

It may not be possible to have true conversations all the time. It requires mindful intention and preparedness. True conversations are always filled with meaning, meaning-full.

When did you last have a true conversation? And with whom?

Live meaningfully, I say.

~ FlorenceT

How to live with greater presence, purpose, and wisdom in the digital age

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. ~ Aristotle

In the field of human experience, you are not merely your thoughts, nor are you merely your body or the workings of your brain.

You are the whole.

The recent Wisdom 2.0 Summit explored and allowed space for discourse on the interaction and integration of the parts of us – physical, mental, spiritual, in the digital age.

A good idea, isn’t it? To look at the human condition and to explore wellness from a whole human being perspective, instead of merely discrete parts.

Check out the Summit’s website where you can watch talks from eminent members in this field of integration such as Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Roshi Joan Halifax, Dr Dan Siegal and Dr Daniel Goleman.

~ FlorenceT

A mindful approach

Life is change. I know this. Even the reliable turns of the seasons do not go as expected, do they? If we are to see, there is beauty in the everyday minutiae of change.

And I believe in progress, less of the advancement of human enterprise, rather of the mindful approach to our human experience

  • towards greater awareness of who we are in the worlds we inhabit, whether personal or professional,
  • towards greater connection to these worlds,
  • towards greater understanding of our impact on them,

and to these, I have unwittingly been seduced since a young age, fuelled by an insatiable curiosity.

It is a beautiful seduction, though not necessarily easy or without pain.

This mindful approach requires an open mind and a vulnerable heart. And I am not without the scars to prove them.

The greater awareness to life also requires us to let go of the past and our ideas of the future, to have the willingness to be present without judgment and to see the world afresh. The wonder and intrigue that come our way when we allow ourselves to experience them.

Put aside the critical thoughts based on a past conditioning of what the future should be.

My daughter recently sang in a concert and for the first time, she did so in her school uniform. It was a school day after all. I remember when she eschewed the idea of changing from her school uniform, judgment flooded my mind questioning her dedication to her craft and fear that she wouldn’t be taken seriously.  This lasted for a brief moment then I let those thoughts go. These are unwarranted worries and anxieties. My mind has always been an incredible trickster.

Her performance that evening was her best so far, for she captivated with her voice and composure, expressing her emotions from within. I looked around the room, and saw an audience rapt with attention, spellbound by her haunting rendition of “Burn” from the musical “Hamilton”. It seems she had developed a confidence grounded within herself; a fragile bubble at times for creative people. I am truly grateful that I did not prod at it with my unruly thoughts. To trust the process and let things unfold is not easy, but do-able.

Not all things change however… at least not at the speed or time that we expect them to. It is our expectation then which creates disappointment, hurt and pain.

Hope is present, expectation is merely a conditioned thought.

Expectations interfere with our connection to the world, for it is because of our fear for the myriad of unmet expectations – that our love will be betrayed, our vulnerability will be shamed, our curiosity mocked – that we distance ourselves from being alive in the moment to our work and relationships.

Identify a destination by all means, chart our course and trust that we have the capacity to undertake the journey. We do. Planning may be useful, but the fixation with each manoeuvre will inhibit our adaptability to change.

A mindful approach requires us to employ our senses in each moment, untainted by the past. Memories, “good or bad”, have their uses; we may not forget but we sure don’t need to be ruled by them.

Being mindful in a changing world requires trust, in ourselves and the unfolding life.

Each moment is a new moment.

~ FlorenceT