Get through or Let go?

Recently I spoke about ‘going through it’, about how life throws lessons at you, lessons you can’t avoid or ignore. In order to grow as a person, you do need to see the lessons that present themselves (yes, there will be many, great and small) and learn.

‘It’ can be whatever difficult situation in which you find yourself. You have a choice each time to either ‘let go’ or ‘go through it’. Both are learning opportunities.

A little about ‘letting go’. By this I mean to have non-attachment, to stop holding on to ‘things’… to what you think will make your life better or to the conditioned belief you have thus far not questioned or to the behaviour that no longer serves your life.

In this space, letting go is making peace with it. As you come to terms with the ‘things’ within the situation, for example, your need for control, your need for the crutch, your need for approval, your need for material indulgence etc. As you make peace with these, their impact cease to be.

If a situation still bothers you, if it still cages you, makes you close up, makes you bitter and resentful… then you are not letting go. No matter how much you tell yourself that you are. And if you can’t let go, then the ‘it is not affecting me’ or the ‘I am fine with it’ that you tell yourself, is you doing avoidance. The test whether you are letting go is this – letting go comes with a sense of peace.

So when letting go is untenable, not viable, unavailable or impossible then time to face the situation. As I said, going through a difficult situation involves some ‘doing’ and a whole lot of ‘being’. Where there is pain or sorrow or any difficult emotion, at some point you need to sit with it, maybe even endure it for a time. However you decide to choose to ‘go through it’, you do.

Both ‘going through it’ and ‘letting go’ have a quality of hardness – where you fight for your survival, you overcome the obstacles in your way… and also of softness – where you embrace your vulnerability, sit with your sorrow, bear witness to your life. And in those moments, there is strength, there is courage.

 

© Transfigure Therapy 2016

Acceptance – the choice to begin a fresh

You wake each morning to a new day. And with each new day, you can choose to begin afresh, or you can choose to see the same things, do similar things… and more likely experience the same discontent, annoyed by the same matters, and aggravated by the same people or situations. Every. Single. Day.

As Anais Nin said, ‘we see the world as we are’ from our own unique lens. The same-same each day suggests the same old stale perspectives.

You know there are different perspectives or different approaches such as:

  • one that brings peace of mind instead of a disruptive unfocused mind, or
  • one that opens a generous heart instead of a closed constricted heart.

I know because I have been in that place of resistance and subsequent peace.
Because of something you are not accepting, your peace of mind is shattered. What that is, you do not know… yet. All you can deduce is a sense of restlessness manifesting in impatience, annoyance and frustration.

Does that sound oddly familiar?
Perhaps it is a new path before you that is unfamiliar and uncertain, the need for acceptance from others not received, or perhaps it is a fear of that contrary self, speaking out inside. What are you not accepting of your self that exists without your knowing? Is it something in your personal or professional life that you do not wish to confront? Can you answer the questions? If so, why are there still problems? The unfamiliar is everywhere and around all of us.
Acceptance takes more than an ‘I know what it is’. In spite of the old adage, knowing is ‘not’ half the battle, it is the beginning of it. Acceptance is not resignation to a state and certainly not avoidance of reality.

What then is acceptance?
Acceptance is an acknowledgement and warm embracing with goodwill and without guilt.
It is saying, “I’m ok. I’ve got this”, “it is what it is” or “all will be as it should be.” When we get to a place where we can accept who we are and where we are in our life, we gain peace of mind.
Peace of mind also comes from our acceptance of others and of our world. Through acceptance of others and of our world, we attain a balance to better handle situations in life and in the work place.
In my less than gracious moments, in my interaction with others, I do end up watching and occasionally internally begin questioning, somewhat critically, why others do what they do, to grapple with the why, how and wherefores of our relationships. Negativity abounds.
In a similar vein, we are agitated over how others perceive us, and why things happen to us.
Is it beneficial to your wellbeing to be stuck in the vicious cycle of blame and victimhood?
Does it bring you peace of mind?

What does acceptance do?
Accepting what is – the person before you, the situation in the moment – allows you to step out and see a way forward. When you accept others for who they are, you give yourself space to explore, without interference of:

  • The pushing
  • The resisting
  • The explaining
  • The confronting

You give yourself permission to be free.
Sometimes things happen, they just do. It has little to do with you, you are not responsible or to blame; you are simply entangled in it. Can you accept that? Do you wail and rail against society or against the Universe? Or do you accept it?

I do not mean to ignore or undermine the awful situations in which some find themselves. When you can step out from the vicious cycle – the whirlwind of blaming others or yourself and claiming your victimhood repeatedly – you will feel empowered to make positive choices. You can then acknowledge the thing has occurred; and from that place, move forward with a vision to create something new.

Like forgiveness, acceptance takes time and can only happen when you are ready to do so. It is different for everyone… there is no rule, no timeframe… just the awareness of what can be. It is a choice for you to make.

What do you need to accept, about yourself, your relationships, your situation, and about your world, in order to move forward, to begin afresh…?

 

© Transfigure Therapy 2016